Marriage

Discussion in 'Romance & Relationships' started by Sharon, Jun 1, 2017.

  1. Sharon

    Sharon Member

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    Are you married or plan on getting married some day? Recently I've been noticing a trend where people don't have plan on marrying and they are OK with just living with their partner. I was just wondering where do you guys stand are you for or against matrimonial ceremonies?
     
  2. Flinch

    Flinch Active Member

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    Marriage is so gay.

    My parents were married. (To each other).
    And over 66% of my daughter's parents are married.
    (That seems like enough marriage, I think).
     
  3. ladyowl

    ladyowl Active Member

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    I have been married twice, once when I was 19, divorced at 21, then remarried at 21. I was married 11, well by the time my divorce if final it will be 12 years, so I think it would have to be an amazing man to ever make me want to do that again.
     
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  4. zoldos

    zoldos Administrator Staff Member

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    No plans for my g/f and I. It's been 11 years and we don't need a ring or some piece of paper to know we love each other. :biggrin
     
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  5. ladyowl

    ladyowl Active Member

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    I agree, marriage doesn't mean commitment, or faithfulness, you don't have to have some paper stating that this person is who you want to be with. Don't get me wrong, I like the thoughts of marriage at times, I mean the being with one person for the rest of your life if you are both happy. Marriage makes things so legal, everything is biding, and I feel like in my marriage I lost myself in being "his wife" I wasn't an individual.
     
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  6. zoldos

    zoldos Administrator Staff Member

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    My g/f and I are definitely each strong willed individuals. She says I'm whipped tho. lol
     
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  7. ladyowl

    ladyowl Active Member

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    Oh Z, we all know you are. It's cute! lol
     
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  8. Flinch

    Flinch Active Member

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    For couples who choose this, it's really good, and important, for society to officially acknowledge commitments we make to our families. That's why marriage equality was so important. (This right to "pursuit of happiness" stuff is pretty serious).

    I DO remember viewing being "in relationship" as a disillusion of the two individuals into a unified "one". Yeah, let's not do that anymore. Relationships are between two autonomous people.

    "Relationships don't have rights. Only people do."
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2017
  9. ladyowl

    ladyowl Active Member

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    It's silly, I have had someone else's last name for almost as long as I had my maiden name, and that is about the only thing that I liked about marriage though in retrospect I really preferred my maiden name and I can't wait to get it back... I suppose I like "belonging to someone" I am a confusing mess... marriage isn't for everyone, I think that it is something that should really be thought about before you take the plunge...
     
  10. queenzelda

    queenzelda Active Member

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    I'm married & have been happily so for 16 years now. We were together for 4 years prior & our family thought we were taking things too slow, in the end I was glad we did. Don't let family pressure you to get married too soon, cause if you do: you might regret it.
     
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  11. Empire

    Empire Member

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  12. Sharon

    Sharon Member

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    For those who believe that marriage 'is just a piece of paper' or 'just a ring' I agree they should not be married. In my opinion, exchanging vows in front of your family and friends is a way to communicate to the world that you are promising to devote one another and that you are entering a partnership where you will put your family first. For those considering marriage in the future I highly recommend pre-marital counseling because during that session as individuals all of the hard questions are asked and you both will clearly see where each of you stand e.g. finances, decision making, etc. I think people who go into a marriage must do so in an understanding that's more than expressing that you love each other it's absolute commitment to one another.
     
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  13. zoldos

    zoldos Administrator Staff Member

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    :p
     
  14. zoldos

    zoldos Administrator Staff Member

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    But why do you need to do this "in front of family and friends"? I don't need to profess to the whole world that I love my g/f or that I promise to take care of her forever. She already knows that. Marriage seems to me to be an ancient throwback and a way for the male to "control" the female. Why does the female HAVE to take HIS name? Why is it "Mr. and Mrs. (male last name)? Etc.?

    My love for my g/f is true and I don't need to parade it in front of a bunch of people or some priest. It's between my g/f and I.
     
  15. queenzelda

    queenzelda Active Member

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    I think in the end it's up to each couple & what they want out of the relationship. If they're happy just being together & not getting married it's their choice. From what reading I did, most people who conduct business when they introduce their other half, they introduce them as their fiancée that way the person involved in the business deal will see their relationship as monogamous. It's probably due to the 'old ways' being so prevalent in a lot of places & still being held by a lot of different people. I say whatever works for you & yours should be good enough for everyone is my take on it.
     
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  16. Yami Yugi

    Yami Yugi New Member

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    I'd say that I'm old school. Find a girl that i fall head over heels in love with, be together for a few years & then one day just up & pop the question. But, it's because I was raised this way that I want that for myself. I'm single atmo. One day I'd like to find someone to spend the rest of my days with. But not every one agrees with the old ways, which is fine; since not every one feels the same.
     
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  17. Sharon

    Sharon Member

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    Marriage is definitely not for everyone and I don't think any one should rush to getting into it simply because it's what the other person wants. It must be a mutual agreement that you want to declare to the world that you are partners for life. Being married doesn't mean the man controls the wife - actually I laugh because I know many married couples will say that the wife controls everything. :p Also being married doesn't mean the wife HAS to take the husband's name. As a matter of fact the wife chooses whether or not to change her name or keep it the same or hyphenate it at the social security office - you literally have to wait in line after filling out your application to get your name legally changed.

    Reasons to get married...

    Legal matters... if it comes down to it and you're found in a hospital on life support, if you don't have a husband or wife then your partner legally cannot say when to pull the plug (unless you've already arranged this and have it legally binding somehow) or if it's clearly stated on your medical record - emergencies happen though and you may not always be conscious to decide who decides whether you life or die. Someone correct me if I'm wrong too if someone were to kill your girlfriend or boyfriend you cannot sue anyone (their family can) but because you're not married I don't think you'd have legal rights to sue anyone in that case. On a less grim note, there are many legal benefits to being married e.g. tax benefits, insurance benefits, there are tons out there too many to list really.

    Titles: Husband and Wife - there is a heavier instant understanding when you introduce each other to new people as husband or wife vs boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes it's not just about other people witnessing your love for each other, it's more like... hey you're my husband (or wife) and I declare that you will always come first before anyone else.

    If you're completely happy with just living together and not making your relationship legally binding that is totally up to you - do what makes you happy. Marriage is just a way to clearly indicate that you are in a committed relationship. Unfortunately, too many people go into marriage without first seeing pre-marital counsel and they go into marriage without a mutual understanding of their expectations of one another when it comes to things like finances, children, religion, hard decisions, sex (yeah you'd be surprised how many couples are not on the same page on this one), etc. and what ends up happening is they get divorced.
     
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  18. zoldos

    zoldos Administrator Staff Member

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    I appreciate everyone's mutual respect for each other's opinion on this matter. It's refreshing to not get into an argument as I've seen on other forums!

    I would get married to my g/f if it meant she'd get some sort of support since I'm on SSDI. But sadly it won't, not even shared insurance. :(
     
  19. Smokey

    Smokey New Member

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    I would love to marry Nikki. One day I hope we can do just that. :) She is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. :)
     
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  20. zoldos

    zoldos Administrator Staff Member

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    Coolness. Do you find it difficult tho? That she's so far away? Do you talk on the phone and stuff?
     

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